Are You Blirtatious?

January 6, 2016 in Blog


Do you speak your mind as soon as a thought enters your head? Do people always say you’re a “straight shooter”? If so, you may qualify for membership in the blirtaeousness club.

In the parlance of psychological science, B.L.I.R.T. is an acronym for “Brief Loquacious and Interpersonal Responsiveness Test”. High blirters express themselves easily in social situations, have little difficulty responding to others and do so quickly. Low blirters, on the other hand, are more reflective, cautious when expressing themselves emotionally and are constantly fearful of saying the wrong thing. In recent years, psychologist William Swann and his colleagues have studied this trait, and their findings are fascinating.

The BLIRT Test includes items such as “I always say what’s on my mind,” and “If I have something to say, I don’t hesitate to say it.” Those scoring high on the blirt scale report higher levels of assertiveness, extraversion, self-esteem, self-liking, self-competence and positive effect. They also report lower levels of rumination, shyness, fear of negative evaluation, neuroticism and negative emotions compared to lower blirt scorers.

The blirt scale predicts all sorts of things you would expect. Car salesmen and Americans score higher on the blirt scale than librarians and Asians. In telephone conversations between strangers, higher blirters respond more frequently, rapidly and effusively than low blirters.

There are also health consequences. In one study, a person (who was actually an actor) chatted incessantly on a cell phone while the participants were trying to complete the experiment. High blirters were more likely to say something to the person but stayed calm, whereas low blirters were silent but became more physiologically aroused (as indexed by blood pressure). The high blirters were seen by the others as more competent, sociable, emotionally reactive and extraverted than low blirters.

Therefore, blirtatiousness can act as an amplifier of human traits, making one’s emotional state and personality more salient. Of course, this means there are tradeoffs to being blirtatious. Those who are blirtatious are initially perceived better but open themselves up to having their bad sides exposed more easily, whereas low blirters may start off with less-favorable impressions but are better at hiding their deficiencies.

Blirters in Love

Blirtatiousness also has strong implications for romantic relationships. While two blirtatious partners can make for a good match, couples in which the woman is more blirtatious than the man — “precarious couples” — are less intimate and satisfied than any other couple pairing.

Precarious couples experience particular discord when the woman is critical and stress levels are high. Under high levels of stress, the woman in a precarious couple becomes more critical, and her inhibited partner withdraws. This withdrawal often backfires, though, because it decreases the chances for healthy communication. This sends the relationship on a downward spiral.

Indeed, this “woman demand-man withdraw” communication pattern is frequent among precarious couples, and is a key predictor of divorce. Another communication problem for those in precarious relationships is the lack of “mutual constructive communication,” which happens when couples discuss a problem, express their feelings and negotiate without resorting to blaming or verbal aggression. There’s hardly any mutual constructive communication among precarious couples.

Members of precarious couples are also unsuccessful in managing stress. In one study, 67 married women were put in stressful situations. When they were reunited with their husbands, most men had low heart rates. In precarious couples, however, men showed higher levels of physiological arousal. Therefore, in a precarious relationship, a stressed women can cause a stressed man, and the man’s reticence causes an even more stressed woman. Not a good scene for a healthy relationship.

Those in precarious relationships are also perceived negatively by others, being seen as less likeable and less competent than those in other kinds of relationships. This perception is shared by both men and women in equal measure. Swann and his colleagues suggest that the gender role expectations of the participant may be causing such perceptions, with “man-more-inhibited” couples causing more dislike since they challenge traditional gender roles. People tend to feel more comfortable with the status quo.

These findings might explain why the precariousness couple effect occurs only when the woman is critical and blirtatious, but not when the man is. Sex role expectations may lead members of society to react adversely to interactions in which the woman is repeatedly placing demands on the man. As it turns out, men with traditional sex role attitudes express dissatisfaction with blirtatious, critical women, but men with very progressive sex role attitudes are more OK with it, presumably because they are more accepting of assertive behavior by women. Interestingly though, regardless of the sex role attitude expressed by the man, women in precarious relationships are not satisfied with inhibited men. It seems assertiveness always pays for men.

Such negative perceptions of precarious couples have serious consequences for those in precarious relationships. Research shows that having strong social networks is important when one is in a relationship, and the number of friends is related to commitment, satisfaction and investment in the relationship. Participants report being uninterested in striking up a friendship with members of a precarious relationship. This situation is bound to lead members of a precarious couple to feel as though they have no where to turn and vent.

In light of all the negatives of being in a precarious relationship, why in the world do they exist? The great paradox here is that men and women in precarious couples are drawn to each other. Blirtatious women are willing to make the first move, and are usually the initiator of relationships. This may start out well, but eventually the quiet male starts to resent the partner’s blirtatiousness, and the blirtatious woman gets frustrated with the quiet man. Both males and females in a precarious relationship appear to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Precarious women desire a man who will indulge her desire to talk a lot, and precarious men desire a woman who takes charge. Unfortunately, those in just such a relationship run the risk of serious relationship dissatisfaction.

So what’s the best practical advice in light of the evidence? It would seem that in order to gain the approval of others, women who end up in a precarious relationship should be advised to be seen and not heard — surely a message we don’t want to send women! To put things in perspective, it’s important to remember here that blirtatiousness is not absolutely a good or bad thing to have. Blirtatious women tend to be quite satisfied with blirtatious men. It’s all about match. If you find yourself in a precarious relationship, and the relationship isn’t working, get out. If it is magically going smoothly, then forget public opinion. Stay together and prove to people that such a relationship can work.

The best advice, though, is to never get into such a relationship in the first place. As Swann and his colleagues advise:

“Before pairing, critical disinhibited women and non-progressive, inhibited men should consider the risks before beginning a romantic relationships with each other. That is, although such relationships may flourish if couple members strive to maintain healthy communication styles, the odds are that they will not.”

Are You Blirtateous?

If you’d like to gauge how blirtatious you are, take the test below.

portrait of young girl screaming in front of chalkboard with speech bubble

Blirtatiousness Scale

The following questions refer to the reactions people have when interacting with others.  Please indicate how YOU react to these events by choosing a number from the following scale.  Please base your answers on how YOU react, not on how you think others react or how you think a person should react.

1- Strongly Disagree

2- Disagree

3- Neither Agree nor Disagree

4- Agree

5- Strongly Agree

_____1. If I have something to say, I don’t hesitate to say it.

_____2. It often takes me awhile to figure out how to express myself.

_____3. If I disagree with someone, I tend to wait until later to say something.

_____4. I always say what’s on my mind.

_____5. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say to people.

_____6. I never have a problem saying what I think.

_____7. When emotions are involved, it’s difficult for me to argue my opinion.

_____8. I speak my mind as soon as a thought enters my head.

To compute your score, simply add your responses to items 1,4, 6, and 8 to get the subtotal.  For the other 4 items (2, 3, 5, and 7), subtract your response from “6” to get 4 “reverse scored” numbers.  Then add the total of the reverse scores to the subtotal for your grand sum.

If you are 15 or below you would be considered a low blirter, 16-32 would be considered moderate blirters, and above 33 would be considered high blirters.

(C) 2015 Scott Barry Kaufman, All Rights Reserved

Image credit: istockphoto. This article was adapted from this article written in 2011.

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